Hi there, yogis!
I missed you all last night! I couldn't be more thankful to Sunshine for subbing for me yesterday. I needed a chance to rest a little and catch up on the sleep I missed last week while I was fretting over the GRE. There's nothing like a little Sunshine on these rainy days. :) Speaking of the GRE, I will say that it went really well; but unfortunately, I was one point away from the score I needed. One point! Ah!! This is frustrating, but at the same time, I was pretty shocked over my scores to begin with. After I finished the test, I actually sat there and debated whether or not to look at my scores, because I am optimistic in that way. Alas, my curiosity got the best of me and as I sat there tallying it up, I was pleasantly surprised with the results. At the time of taking it, I only had a vague idea of what I was aiming for. It wasn't until yesterday when I spoke with my advisor that I had the somewhat disheartening realization of missing the mark by one point. I had dreaded this very moment, but in an odd way it just confirmed my dedication to the program, the school and the knowing deep inside that I am meant to be a counselor. It's funny, I never thought I would be applying to go back to school. I also didn't expect to care so much about this specific program. I had intended on applying to a safety school, I thought to myself that maybe I need a backup school; but, at the end of the day, even with my one-point away test score, I want to stay the course. Somehow the score just affirmed that I would rather keep trying for the program that I really want, rather than apply somewhere else. I am, in this moment, really thankful for everything this application process is teaching me. I feel beyond blessed to even have the opportunity to be considered for graduate school. I am taking the GRE again on Wednesday, December 9th. I have taken a little break from studying the past few days, but I am planning on jumping right back in. I just wanted to let you all know how much your support has meant to me throughout this process. I received so many messages of love and support the day of the test and I can not thank you guys enough. I am beyond grateful to know you guys, to be a part of Maitri and for the opportunity to share life with you all; to me that is what yoga is about. In Libby's last post, she mentioned this idea that there are different types of yoga. Although, yes, it is true there are different types of yoga, there is this one underlying thread: yoga is a connection. I used to live in a lot of separation. For a long time, I think I had to. It was something I learned to do to protect myself at a very young age. When I started practicing, there was a moment on my mat when the teacher said, "don't judge yourself." I could feel the weight of the entire world being lifted off of what felt like, my very heavy shoulders and something in my heart softened. As a recovering perfectionist, I have spent a good portion of my life thinking I needed to be perfect in order to be loved. Yoga teaches us that this isn't true. Perfection is something that separates us, limits us and keeps us from living from our hearts. There have been so many things happening in the world recently because of separation. It's heartbreaking and the day I went in to take my test, I felt that in the grand scheme of things, it's pretty trivial to be so worried about one score. I guess, through this process I have had the overwhelming feeling that in order to do anything, we have to be for ourselves rather than against ourselves and that means, having the courage to remain connected to ourselves no matter what. It's easy to separate. It's easy to step into our fear, but through remaining connected we remain standing in truth and in love, anything else is just no good.
So today yogis, on this rainy Tuesday, I am sharing with you the commitment to staying connected. I am going to keep going. I am determined to keep trying and if Maitri is any indication of what lies in putting your whole heart into something, I know this: there is no failure.
My teacher says, our success is guaranteed. As long as we stay connected and live from our hearts, it doesn't matter whether you practice vinyasa or bikram, what matters is how fully we can say yes to our own humanness.
Sending you all so much love!
P.S. There is no advanced vinyasa with Nicole this evening; she is Spain!
P.P.S. I will be teaching on Wednesday, we will have both classes on Thursday. I will also be teaching Friday and maybe we should celebrate Maitri's bday at some point this month?
We will have light holiday classes next week and don't forget we have Nicole's Beginners Workshop. Tell yo' friends!
Love you guys!